Having reviewed every running movie I could get my hands on over the last few months, the big news is that the ultimate running movie does not exist. Yet. There is clearly a big gap in the market. if I was a movie mogul, I would be monitoring this space carefully. Very carefully.

As it happens, I have the synopsis of the story for the script for the best running movie in the world ever. So here goes. Ahem …

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Steve Ovett (played by Michael Fassbender) comes out of retirement and challenges Sebastian Coe (Daniel Radcliffe) to a final race-off over the marathon distance. They allow Mo Farrah (Jaden Smith) to enter the race too, providing he ties both legs together and hops the full distance. He agrees. Lasse Viren (John Travolta) also gets an invite on the grounds that he carries a horse (Shergar) the whole way. Paula Radcliffe (Milla Jovovich) sneaks in unofficially, disguised as a nun. Half way around, they all bump into each other and fall down, breaking various body parts. They crawl to the finish line, ending the race with a 5-way dead-heat. Thus setting up the sequel.

I’m going to be rich, rich, rich, and you heard it here first. Meanwhile, until I sign the production deal, here are the top 5 existing movies I would choose to watch the evening before a marathon.

1. Running Simply the best treatment of distance running backed by a story that isn’t completely crass. You have to forgive the soundtrack. What a movie this would have been if someone had called The Prodigy.

2. Marathon This little-known Korean cult classic is a must see. An emotional adaptation of the true story of a young autistic man’s goal to run a marathon in under 3 hours.

3. Chariots of Fire Would have been the undisputed number 1, but was disqualified on the grounds that 400m is about 26 miles less than a marathon. Without doubt the best running movie of all time (so far).

4. Run Fatboy Run Forgive the nonsense about deciding to compete in a marathon with no preparation and about 15 minutes notice, this one deserves its place on pure motivational grounds. You characterisation is amazing and you really want Pegg to break through his wall.

5. Without Limits Scrapes into the top 5 with a clear win in the Steve Prefontaine moustache bake-off. Passable olympic racing dramatics if you can accept the nationalism and the product placement.

  1. Scallywag says:

    I just snorted coffee out of my nose cause’ I was laughing too hard. I blame you.

    PS: I would watch the shit out of this film, make it.